Not Brave like Gryffindor, but Loyal like Hufflepuff

Since I last blogged I said I was conflicted I couldn't decide whether to stay or go. Well I have decided to pursue my dream one way or another. I really hope I am out there in the summer. I have applied for over twenty jobs, twenty - six to be precise and still nothing. Twelve of the twenty - six said well no. As for the others, not replied at all. I am getting very desperate. And it is all I can think about! AND it is simply too much to handle sometimes. 
Anyway I have decided to blog instead of doing any work. I have three essays due very very soon and I haven't even done one! Well actually I had four essays but one has been done and dusted, handed in and everything.  But still Essays: 3, Sam: 1 :( Ha, it is not going well. I have been very lazy, very lazy..or as I like to refer to my lack of work is due to me being on 'energy saving mode' (I use that line a little too much now.)
 I have noticed that my blogs haven't really had a specific topic. Like my last blog and I guess this one doesn't either. At the beginning I was full of hope, full of enthusiasm. (As you can tell from my previous blogs, I was blogging like almost every week and now I hardly blog once a month.) But now, a lot of that has faded and reality has hit. I thought I would have a job by now, I thought everything would be sorted quite honestly. I am still right at the beginning. (Minus the enthusiasm.) And it is scary, so scary that life is so out of my hands. I have always been in my safe bubble. I vaguely knew the outcomes of my decisions. I have had backup plan for those plans. But I don't actually have a backup plan for this. I could I don't know wing it! But I know that is way too spontaneous and well I am just not brave enough. (As you all know, I am not brave nor am I spontaneous) 
All this America thing is stressing me out! Along with my uni work and my plans for after my degree (If I pass this year and at the rate I am going, doesn't look like I will) I have big decisions to make this in regards to my future, my education and trying to meet the requirements for My Postgraduate Certificate in Education (PGCE) is well nearly impossible, since no school will take me on for work experience and well I haven't really had the time to follow up on these schools. and I have to apply for my PGCE this year! My motivation for my current degree is slowly fading along with my hopes of working in America this summer. 
What am I like ey? Always been bit of a pessimist, trying to think positively. but the glass has always been half empty for me. But I have gotten better over the years. I know that 'Things happen for a reason' and ' When one door closes another door opens.' I do believe that , but sometimes when you are in the moment you can't help but think the worse. Besides isn't it always the way? You can dish out the advice, but you yourself cannot take it. 
I am a strong believer in fate and I cannot help but feel that fate is stopping me from going to New York well to work there this year or perhaps ever. So it means fate has something better for me  but what can be better than going to the 'City that never sleeps' for three months? Well other than meeting Eddie Redymayne! Getting  a picture taken with him and an autograph. 
Here is a picture of the dashing young man <3 Such a dream boat <3

 He is currently filming Les Mis, and he was filming at my university! Well not my campus, but still...I am very upset that I didn't see him. (They where filming during the Easter break ) Wish I had realised sooner! Anyway besides my huge love/obsession with Eddie Redmayne, I have a backup plan for New York. Sort of. 
Basically I am going to give this whole working in America thing another month and if I still have have nothing. Well then I am going to go out there for two weeks on holiday and celebrate my twenty- first birthday out there. And I guess spend the rest of my summer in England and hope to get a summer job in London. Sorting out my PGCE and be ready for my third year. Not quite what I had first set out for, but if I don't get a job, this is going to have to be the way unfortunately. 


Anyway to end all this doom and gloom...have any of you signed up to Pottermore? It is pretty cool, where you can find out what wand you get and what house you truly belong in. My wand is 11 inches, Silver Lime wood and with Unicorn core. And I belong in the house of Hufflepuff. Though I secretly knew I wanted to be in Gryffindor, just like the trio, though I know deep down I am a Hufflepuff through and through. I wish I was courageous like a Gryffindor but I am not lol, I answered the questions truthfully and no surprise I got Hufflepuff.

 And Hufflepuffs are not known for the courage, hence why I am not brave enough to just 'wing it'. Huffs are known for it their loyalty and kindness :)
Down side is that is that you cannot pick your own username. 
Anyway one final thing, here is a trailer of 'My Week With Marilyn' starring Eddie Redmayne, (I haven't seen the movie yet, but I do have it on DVD...so I shall keep you posted.)

 And yes I know, it is bit of an odd title for this blog, but yeah...


Sam x

' Own The Night'

Apologies for not blogging sooner, to be honest 1. I have been lazy. 2. I just didn't know what to blog about. But now I have a few ideas. So let's start with my New York dream...yes well that just may not happen. Yes I know I should be more positive, I should be more optimistic and believe I will get a job in the New York state and I will be spending an amazing summer in the States. But I have to be realistic now. It is April and I still have gotten nowhere. Absolutely nowhere. I have heard of people applying for work in America a couple of weeks ago and already have jobs, I envy them a lot. I am not impressed with the fact that I applied way back in October 2011 and I still have NOTHING! Yes, I am very pissed and very upset. Hence my sort of mental, emotional breakdown last month. It sort of hit me, that I had gotten nowhere with the seven jobs I applied for in New York I had two rejections which brought it down to five and then a potential interview that just never materialised. And an interview that went totally pear shape...seriously...pear shape. So yes it brings it down to three. I panicked and I burst into tears, as you may have noticed from my previous blogs, I am a organiser, everything has to be well planned. And this whole working in New York thing is so out of my hands. I just really don't like it. So yes I panicked and started to frantically apply for jobs all over the East Coast, that being, New Jersey, Maryland and Massachusetts. And for one of them (Maryland) I made a stupid mistake on my cover letter. (Yup! I stupidly forgot to change the date.) This is what you get for applying for jobs, when you are mentally and emotionally unstable. Yes that was me. Also in my height of panicking I even went as far as applying for jobs in the West Coast, which meaning I would totally have to throw my New York dream out of the window. And when I got an email back from the West Coast job, asking me to fill in an application form. I panicked even more. I was thinking 'What the hell am I doing?' 'I shouldn't be doing this!' 'California? That is not New York. I am crazy!' 'That's it I give up, I am not doing the whole work in America thing.' And after convincing myself to give up, I cried some more, ranted some more to my friends, until I sat down and spoke to my friend (and sort of brother - on the phone) and I calmed down an awful lot and thought that this was not the end of the world, so what if I don't get to go to New York ? At least I should be able to experience a great American summer. But yes I am still sceptical and very worried (since when do I not worry?) but I have now decided to apply for all over the place and hope for the best and to think positive! I WILL get a job! I WILL. Besides it is not where you go, it is who you are with, what you make of it and how you are as a person that will make your experience the best ever. Wise words from a dear friend. 
 Though a few problems have occurred, there has been some personal issues that occurred a while back and I thought it would resolve itself by now...which it has not. And now I am in a very difficult situation, whether I should go or not. Little back story about me, I am the eldest child and I feel like it is my responsibility to stay, yet I also feel that I have to do this for me, this is my one in a life time opportunity and I know if I don't do this now, I will regret it forever. So I really don't know what to do. I mean I plan to leave early June and it is April now, and I still don't have a job and I need to book my flights and most important of all I need to sort out my visa and insurance. It is too much to handle on top of that I have four essays I need to write that is due in a few weeks ahhh. Seriously I have so much over my head it is stressing me out, and I get pretty emotional and it can get way too much for me. So I am blogging a very small blog, and perhaps you can help me. Should I stay at home and put my dreams in a box and be here for my family. Or do I be a selfish cow and go and live my dream for three months? I honestly don't know what to do. 

I know this hasn't been much of a blog and it has been way over a month since I last blogged, I am terribly sorry, if there is any of you who are actually following me on my so called quest to fulfil my American dream. 

I am going to finish this on a brighter note. A lot has happened in the past few weeks, my cousin and his wife had a beautiful baby girl on Mother's Day, and I had an amazing time with my friends down by the sea this week. re-living our childhood watching Disney movies, my all time favourite as a child was 'The Little Mermaid' I loved it so much, but it did make me cry...let me rephrase that, it STILL makes me cry lol. 

My favourite song from the movie :) We watched a lot of movies a few chick flicks ;) my personal favourites. I got out of watching horrors, absolutely cannot stand horrors, such a chicken. Anyway it was a nice break from reality, from the reality of all my problems. But now I am back home, back to reality, back to all the work I have to do :( 


Ok I am going to end with a one of my favourite songs, that I dream of dancing along to if I ever make it the States. I can imagine myself on a beach at night with a group of friends I made over in the states singing with all my heart to this beautiful song. Barefooted in the sands, with the wind blowing gently on my face and me having the time of my of life. That would be something I would love to do, really would. As you can tell I love Lady Antebellum way too much. (Song is called 'We Owned The Night'

 Anyway thanks for reading and following, 

Sam x

P.S. I couldn't actually think of a title for my blog, so I went for the current album by Lady Antebellum 'Own The Night', my current favourite band :)