Saturday, 7 April 2012

' Own The Night'

Apologies for not blogging sooner, to be honest 1. I have been lazy. 2. I just didn't know what to blog about. But now I have a few ideas. So let's start with my New York dream...yes well that just may not happen. Yes I know I should be more positive, I should be more optimistic and believe I will get a job in the New York state and I will be spending an amazing summer in the States. But I have to be realistic now. It is April and I still have gotten nowhere. Absolutely nowhere. I have heard of people applying for work in America a couple of weeks ago and already have jobs, I envy them a lot. I am not impressed with the fact that I applied way back in October 2011 and I still have NOTHING! Yes, I am very pissed and very upset. Hence my sort of mental, emotional breakdown last month. It sort of hit me, that I had gotten nowhere with the seven jobs I applied for in New York I had two rejections which brought it down to five and then a potential interview that just never materialised. And an interview that went totally pear shape...seriously...pear shape. So yes it brings it down to three. I panicked and I burst into tears, as you may have noticed from my previous blogs, I am a organiser, everything has to be well planned. And this whole working in New York thing is so out of my hands. I just really don't like it. So yes I panicked and started to frantically apply for jobs all over the East Coast, that being, New Jersey, Maryland and Massachusetts. And for one of them (Maryland) I made a stupid mistake on my cover letter. (Yup! I stupidly forgot to change the date.) This is what you get for applying for jobs, when you are mentally and emotionally unstable. Yes that was me. Also in my height of panicking I even went as far as applying for jobs in the West Coast, which meaning I would totally have to throw my New York dream out of the window. And when I got an email back from the West Coast job, asking me to fill in an application form. I panicked even more. I was thinking 'What the hell am I doing?' 'I shouldn't be doing this!' 'California? That is not New York. I am crazy!' 'That's it I give up, I am not doing the whole work in America thing.' And after convincing myself to give up, I cried some more, ranted some more to my friends, until I sat down and spoke to my friend (and sort of brother - on the phone) and I calmed down an awful lot and thought that this was not the end of the world, so what if I don't get to go to New York ? At least I should be able to experience a great American summer. But yes I am still sceptical and very worried (since when do I not worry?) but I have now decided to apply for all over the place and hope for the best and to think positive! I WILL get a job! I WILL. Besides it is not where you go, it is who you are with, what you make of it and how you are as a person that will make your experience the best ever. Wise words from a dear friend. 
 Though a few problems have occurred, there has been some personal issues that occurred a while back and I thought it would resolve itself by now...which it has not. And now I am in a very difficult situation, whether I should go or not. Little back story about me, I am the eldest child and I feel like it is my responsibility to stay, yet I also feel that I have to do this for me, this is my one in a life time opportunity and I know if I don't do this now, I will regret it forever. So I really don't know what to do. I mean I plan to leave early June and it is April now, and I still don't have a job and I need to book my flights and most important of all I need to sort out my visa and insurance. It is too much to handle on top of that I have four essays I need to write that is due in a few weeks ahhh. Seriously I have so much over my head it is stressing me out, and I get pretty emotional and it can get way too much for me. So I am blogging a very small blog, and perhaps you can help me. Should I stay at home and put my dreams in a box and be here for my family. Or do I be a selfish cow and go and live my dream for three months? I honestly don't know what to do. 

I know this hasn't been much of a blog and it has been way over a month since I last blogged, I am terribly sorry, if there is any of you who are actually following me on my so called quest to fulfil my American dream. 

I am going to finish this on a brighter note. A lot has happened in the past few weeks, my cousin and his wife had a beautiful baby girl on Mother's Day, and I had an amazing time with my friends down by the sea this week. re-living our childhood watching Disney movies, my all time favourite as a child was 'The Little Mermaid' I loved it so much, but it did make me cry...let me rephrase that, it STILL makes me cry lol. 
My favourite song from the movie :) We watched a lot of movies a few chick flicks ;) my personal favourites. I got out of watching horrors, absolutely cannot stand horrors, such a chicken. Anyway it was a nice break from reality, from the reality of all my problems. But now I am back home, back to reality, back to all the work I have to do :( 

Ok I am going to end with a one of my favourite songs, that I dream of dancing along to if I ever make it the States. I can imagine myself on a beach at night with a group of friends I made over in the states singing with all my heart to this beautiful song. Barefooted in the sands, with the wind blowing gently on my face and me having the time of my of life. That would be something I would love to do, really would. As you can tell I love Lady Antebellum way too much. (Song is called 'We Owned The Night'

 Anyway thanks for reading and following, 

Sam x

P.S. I couldn't actually think of a title for my blog, so I went for the current album by Lady Antebellum 'Own The Night', my current favourite band :)

1 comment:

  1. Sorry to here this, Sam. Something still might turn up yet. I wouldn't give up. Plus, seven jobs isn't a lot. There are a ton of options out there. If you don't get to go to the US though this year it's not the end of the world. There's always next, you could always go somewhere really cool for vacation.


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